The Keys to Conflict Resolution
Have you ever faced any type of conflict in any of your relationships? No, not you, right? Of course you have; we ALL have! And if you haven't, then we need you to step up and start blogging about how to do this "relationship thing" right!
As a Certified Life Coach with the faith-based "Ultimate SourceTM," a topic that comes in handy in MY personal life is CONFLICT RESOLUTION. I believe communication in a relationship is the "main" thing because without it we are just two people. My greater vision is to offer churches, women's groups and the marketplace transformational coaching workshops to "set the captives free!"
Have you ever lifted weights? It's the strain on the muscle that causes it to grow stronger, right? The same is true with relationships. ALL relationships will experience conflict because we all have WOUNDS. Would you rather be right or have relationships? Here are 4 QUICK TIPS for IMMEDIATE application when you find yourself in the "heat of the moment."
#1: 3 F's...Fact-Find-First
ASK instead of Assume. ACKNOWLEDGE instead of Accuse! RESPOND instead of react!
We tend to make assumptions and jump to our own defense, don't we? And although our feelings are real, they're not always accurate and not always helpful! So stop to discover the facts FIRST and acknowledge what is going on with the other person too!
"Seek to understand not to be understood," now that could save your marriage! Most people don't listen with the intent to understand, we listen with the intent to REPLY! There are 3 sides to every story; his, hers and the TRUTH! So ask, "Is this the truth about this person?" Or, "Is this REALLY their nature to be this way?" Then, ask a clarifying question. "Tell me more about that, I really want to understand" or "How can I support you?"
#2: 3 P's...Pause-Pray-Perspective
So now that you discovered the facts about a situation you are ready to move into resolution. Let's PAUSE and take 3 DEEP BREATHS....this literally shifts physiology in our brain chemistry.
As you PAUSE, here's a quick PRAYER. "God give me the ability to see through YOUR eyes and help me to respond like Jesus, not from my wounds." RESOLUTION may be that you can see it from the other person's PERSPECTIVE to create a win-win.
But sometimes we need to put up healthy boundaries. Some people, no matter how hard you try are just TOXIC to be around. Boundaries can be especially CHALLENGING for women because we tend to want everyone to like us and for everyone to get along (I can help you with that too speaking as a "recovering approval addict"). One of my top 10 to-read books is "BOUNDARIES." The authors say healthy boundaries are like your skin. SKIN is there to protect your vital organs on the inside while keeping the toxins out! Think about it!
#4: SEEK WISE COUNSEL (don't give in to gossip)
I would also encourage you to seek wise counsel. As women, sometimes we just want to gossip and tell on someone and get our girlfriends to side with us, right? This only leads to blame and shame and we all live with enough of that! So, resist that ungodly urge and instead tell a wise friend, "I'm coming to you so you can see my side AND give me Godly counsel. And I don't care it feels good or if I don't like it. I am a truth-seeker!" Hint hint...news flash! As your Transformational Coach, I not only listen and provide another perspective, but I can also help you with other relationship tips and tools. You may contact me through my website at www.TCDrCarol.com. And if you have a friend you think could use my coaching, please pass along to them...I could be the answer to your prayers!
“Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day is out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.”
And may I suggest that you contact me to help facilitate a workplace workshop to help you and your staff discover more ACTION STEPS? Just sayin', I know I can help create happier, healthier attitudes and communication so everyone can "play together well!"
Your Relationship Communication Coach,
All rights reserved. Copyright 2017 by Carol Watson RN, ND